5 Ways to Talk to Your Teen about Depression

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1. Listen, Don't Lecture

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." James 1:19 

As parents, it can be hard not to rush in and ply our child with questions. However, for the teenager, this can become an interrogation of the worst kind. Instead, we need to cultivate an arena of listening. A safe zone, so to speak, where our teens know they can express their thoughts and emotions without receiving instead "fix-it" lectures or over-emotional and irrational responses caused by our own surprise or worry. Ask them what their days have felt like lately? Allow them the space to think about it, to answer honestly, and to express themselves. Be cautious of reactions. James 1:19 it!

2. Let Them Know They're Not Abnormal

We live in a broken world. Your teen may feel as though they've failed, or they're going to disappoint you, or perhaps you're going to be upset with them. Often times, if they've been raised in a faith-based home, they may feel that they're not "Christian enough". That their anxiety or depression is a lack of faith, and they're falling short of who they're supposed to be before God. This is a prime opportunity to remind them of biblical heroes of the faith who struggled with despair and anxiety.

"Why, my soul, are you downcast?…Put your hope in God." Psalm 42:11

Remind them that they are by no means the first to feel this way. That they are not alone, and the authenticity of their faith isn't in question. What an opportunity to be an encouragement to your kid!

3. Affirm Who They Are in Christ

Culture has not been a friend to young people. The definition of their worth and value is influenced by many factors that distort the truth. One needn't look far to see how voracious outlets like social media, movies, peer pressure, and other sources can eat up our child's self-confidence. The measuring stick for their performance is impossibly high and virtually unachievable without airbrushing, personality modification, and societal compliance. Instead, as a parent, you have the opportunity to help your teenager reaffirm who they are in Christ. Remind them consistently that they are chosen and loved, Christ does not abandon them, and that He is their Creator who knew them before they were born.

A great Scripture to bring to their attention states: "Nothing can separate us from the love of God." Romans 8:38–39. 

What a great one to put on the walls of your home, or on your bathroom mirrors!

4. Pray with Them, Not Just for Them

This can be a tough one. Why is it that praying together—especially as a family—can feel so awkward? Because prayer invites vulnerability, and sometimes, the hardest people to expose our innermost thoughts to is our family. But praying together can build trust. It can encourage unity. It also reveals to your teenagers that you, as their parent, don't believe you have all the answers. It shows them your vulnerability and your personal need to find strength and purpose at the foot of the Father. Don't be afraid to bring your own weaknesses and insecurities before the Lord in front of your child. Allow them to see your own need to be centered on the Lord, so they can learn from example, but also know that, in your parental humility, you are coming alongside them.

5. Encourage Them to Seek Out Healthy Support Systems

Who are your teens spending the bulk of their time with? And not only that, but who has the power to speak into their lives right now? Friends from social media? Peers at school? Teachers? Coaches? Be aware of who has the ear of your teenager. Those voices can be thunderous and they are not always healthy nor profitable. Encourage your teenager to environments that will complement and uphold the truths given in Scripture. If your teenager isn't in a church youth group, consider finding one for them to join. There is no shame in having your teen engage with a Christian counselor or therapist. Sometimes, frankly, parents can only take these conversations so far, and your child needs not just a safe outlet, but also a professional one. Especially if there are other factors affecting their depression such as health or mental illness.

It is important for both you and your teen to remember: "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

This world is going to continue to come at your child. It is ignorant of us, as parents, to assume depression or anxiety is "just a phase" or that they'll "grow out of it." Numerous challenging issues are being presented to our teens. It's no longer just "am I pretty enough" or "am I popular enough." There are significant questions confronting them that pertain to their gender identities, ideologies, ethics, politics, and faith. Being a teenager in the world today carries with it a burden that is a wide-open world. When we were teens ourselves, we were limited to local newspapers and the 5 o'clock news. Information overload is stealing peace and joy from our teens at a terrifying rate.

As parents, it's crucial to be there for our kids. They need to know we are a safe place to fall. That we will listen and we will hear them. That we can be trusted to walk with them and to help them carry their fears and anxieties.

So open that door with your teenager right away. Come alongside them. Invite them into your life as much as you knock to be invited into theirs. Be a comrade, a parent, and most of all, be there. Just simply be present.